Contrary to popular opinion, I am not, in fact, dead. The writing related part of my brain may be rapidly decaying, but my dear friend Ryn has thankfully pulled me out of the black abyss of schoolwork and convinced me to write something. It is veryyy far from polished, so read at your own risk - and I hope you enjoy it. :)

~Rina

Who am I?

The hopeless call but I can't hear

Distractions rule me, make me blind

Obsessed with finding something new

To hide the questions in my mind

I wander through a foreign life

Trade purpose for anxiety

Can't find the reason why I try

Can't face the work of questioning 

Who am I if I don't know who I am?

A single truth that lurks within

Could shatter all I've used to hide;

But fear of finally giving in

Has chained me every time I've tried

For what could ever pay the price

Of hope again and life made new 

My every breath, my life, my death

Could never equal all of you

Who am I if I won't change who I am?

I've heard it said a thousand times

That all you ask is all of me

The cost of purpose, joy, and peace

Is this: surrender, full, complete!

But could the greatest fear conceived 

Compare to giving up my life?

For will not all my hopes and dreams

Die with me if I pay this price?

Who am I if you tell me who I am?

A priceless dream, a foolish hope

Is that not what you've offered me?

It's wise to cower from such dreams 

To mock such pure naivety

Yet as I watch the wise resist

And cherish lives that turn to dust 

I wonder if the foolish ones

Are those who prize mere empty lust

Who am I if I hate the things I love?

I've scorned the choice - my life for yours

And say I know what's best for me

Yet in the dark, alone to think

I wonder if I've always seen

I don't deserve this choice at all

And this is where my true fears lie

If every breath, I beg for you

Won't you still cast me from your sight?

Who am I to give you all of me?

I turn again to life unlived

Chase empty dreams still left unfound

Until at last one final truth

Breaks through the lies that shield, surround 

I see each breath, my life in full

All form a grave that bears my name

My earthly dreams die on my lips

Can death be stalled by love or fame?

Who am I to hope for more than Hell? 

To answer me, a child is born 

To light a world that mocks and scorned

A light and warmth they'd never known

The One who'd called me broke my chains

To chain His perfect hands instead

And yet again he offered me 

The freedom that I'd always fled

Who am I to answer this high call?

For all my life, I'd tried to own

The days that were not mine to keep  

Not family, friends, or even God

Could take my life away from me

But then what choices did I make?

Did this sweet freedom make me free?

Could I once say "I'm satisfied"?

Or even "This is really me"?

Who am I if I hate the things I choose?

I found this freedom wasn't real-

A shadow of my honest dreams-

I longed for so much more from life

But now, given new eyes, I see

That my "free will" was chained and bound

By sinful nature from man's fall

Life cannot be both God's and mine

I live for Him, or not at all

Who am I if my life is not my own? 

I now accept this precious choice 

To choose a wise or foolish King 

To try to live life on my own

Can bring me only suffering

For when I will let no one in

My heart is bound to worthless things 

But when I lose myself in Christ

I'll find my dreams at last take wings. 

Who am I? 

I am His.