Poetry...

Contrary to popular opinion, I am not, in fact, dead. The writing related part of my brain may be rapidly decaying, but my dear friend Ryn has thankfully pulled me out of the black abyss of schoolwork and convinced me to write something. It is veryyy far from polished, so read at your own risk - and I hope you enjoy it. :)

~Rina

Who am I?

The hopeless call but I can't hear
Distractions rule me, make me blind
Obsessed with finding something new
To hide the questions in my mind
I wander through a foreign life
Trade purpose for anxiety
Can't find the reason why I try
Can't face the work of questioning 
Who am I if I don't know who I am?

A single truth that lurks within
Could shatter all I've used to hide;
But fear of finally giving in
Has chained me every time I've tried
For what could ever pay the price
Of hope again and life made new 
My every breath, my life, my death
Could never equal all of you
Who am I if I won't change who I am?

I've heard it said a thousand times
That all you ask is all of me
The cost of purpose, joy, and peace
Is this: surrender, full, complete!
But could the greatest fear conceived 
Compare to giving up my life?
For will not all my hopes and dreams
Die with me if I pay this price?
Who am I if you tell me who I am?

A priceless dream, a foolish hope
Is that not what you've offered me?
It's wise to cower from such dreams 
To mock such pure naivety
Yet as I watch the wise resist
And cherish lives that turn to dust 
I wonder if the foolish ones
Are those who prize mere empty lust
Who am I if I hate the things I love?

I've scorned the choice - my life for yours
And say I know what's best for me
Yet in the dark, alone to think
I wonder if I've always seen
I don't deserve this choice at all
And this is where my true fears lie
If every breath, I beg for you
Won't you still cast me from your sight?
Who am I to give you all of me?

I turn again to life unlived
Chase empty dreams still left unfound
Until at last one final truth
Breaks through the lies that shield, surround 
I see each breath, my life in full
All form a grave that bears my name
My earthly dreams die on my lips
Can death be stalled by love or fame?
Who am I to hope for more than Hell? 

To answer me, a child is born 
To light a world that mocks and scorned
A light and warmth they'd never known
The One who'd called me broke my chains
To chain His perfect hands instead
And yet again he offered me 
The freedom that I'd always fled
Who am I to answer this high call?

For all my life, I'd tried to own
The days that were not mine to keep  
Not family, friends, or even God
Could take my life away from me
But then what choices did I make?
Did this sweet freedom make me free?
Could I once say "I'm satisfied"?
Or even "This is really me"?
Who am I if I hate the things I choose?

I found this freedom wasn't real-
A shadow of my honest dreams-
I longed for so much more from life
But now, given new eyes, I see
That my "free will" was chained and bound
By sinful nature from man's fall
Life cannot be both God's and mine
I live for Him, or not at all
Who am I if my life is not my own? 

I now accept this precious choice 
To choose a wise or foolish King 
To try to live life on my own
Can bring me only suffering
For when I will let no one in
My heart is bound to worthless things 
But when I lose myself in Christ
I'll find my dreams at last take wings. 
Who am I? 

I am His.  

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Immortals Chapter 4

I finally found a new name for Ginger so from this point on she will be called Ember. I changed this in my previous chapters as well to keep things consistent.

Chapter 4
“Cold. It’s so cold…”
“Everything’s dark...can’t open my eyes…”
Ember shivered violently. These voices were unfamiliar and they came from all around her. But there was something wrong with them. They were clear. Too clear. It was as if there was no distance for the sound to travel across. As if it were all in her head. Multiple voices all talking at once but not one speaking aloud.
Her eyes flew open in confusion and fear. Immediately they began to burn as if filled with salt water. Everything was blurry, distorted, grey, and Ember couldn’t keep her eyes open with the pain. She shut them and felt a sharp sting on the back of her neck. Her eyes didn’t reopen.


“Subject 1X regained consciousness, Supervisor.”
“Is that so? For how long?”
“Roughly a minute. But that’s not all. Her eyes opened.”
“Impossible.”
“It’s not! She opened them for ten seconds.”
Fingers drummed the worn tabletop and the Supervisor said in a dangerous tone, “You told me the subjects would not be able to resist the drug.”
“W-well I assumed that no one would.”
“I dislike being made a fool of, Professor.”
“I swear that was never my intent!”
“But if mistakes occur during the operation, then you have made a fool of me and my plans.”
“I-If 1X poses a problem I can eliminate her without any trouble-”
“No!” The hand slammed it’s palm hard onto the table, knocking over a glass of water. The crystal liquid streamed across the wood and the Supervisor swore. “What a waste of resources...But no, Professor. I am beginning to think that Subject 1X will prove more useful than I had previously anticipated… Move her up into the advanced tests.”
The alarm in the Professor’s voice was clear, “There are no guarantees that those tests will work! There is a seventy percent chance of death and a twenty-eight percent chance of the subjects being permanently incapacitated, that leaves only a two percent chance for them to be a success-”
“I can add and subtract, thank you, Professor.”
“O-of course! My apologies.”
“Return to your work. I’ll expect reports on 1X’s progress in the days to come.”
“I’ll send them to you directly.”
“Good. Oh and Professor, send someone along to clean up this mess. This table is an antique and water is horrible for the wood.”

More voices. Ember was growing tired of them. This was the fifth time in...how long was it? Minutes, days, years could pass between bouts of consciousness and she would never know the difference. As she had every time she had awoken, Ember forced her eyes open. But this time it was different. There was no longer the dark grey shroud that always surrounded her, but blinding white light directly above her. And there were voices other than the ones in her head. Muffled voices as if heard through a wall or water. Shadows flickered across the light and something red drifted into view above her, slightly clearer than the shadows. Thread-like, the red twisted and swirled like a fluid. Like blood.
Dawn. Gunfire. Navan’s neck being torn open by bullets. Her arms coated in the blood of her dyad. Ember felt a surge of energy and shock that drove her to try and sit up. Her forehead struck a solid surface and she lifted her hands in a panic, feeling walls on all sides. She opened her mouth to shout but some thick liquid filled her mouth and throat and she retched.
“Water? What’s happening? How have I been breathing?”
But whatever it was that had been filling her lungs with oxygen was no longer functioning and Ember’s body convulsed as it tried to dispel the fluid in her lungs and replace it with air. Her vision flickered and faded to black as the shadows over the light reappeared and the muffled voices grew louder, becoming a ringing that soon faded to the utter silence of a drugged sleep.

“Supervisor? The tests are complete and the results are in.”
“And?”
There was a pause. “Two sets of subjects made it through the testing phase. You have their files already. However one set is proving to be...unpredictable. We should not attempt to wake them until it becomes clear that we have no other choice.”
“I will be the one to decide that, Professor. What of the other set.”
“That set appears to be far more mentally stable. They should awaken within the week. You might be interested to see the side effects of the tests…”
There was a long silence filled only with the rustling of papers. Then, “Good lord...This is unexpected.”
“Yes. The tests marked them all in various ways like that. I’m considering changing 1X a little though. That side effect seems far too, well...vivid.”
“We wanted to make a statement to the Medic, did we not? Snatching these survivors from his clutches was a start and I believe this will, at the very least, be a harsh slap in the face to him.”
“I’ll abide by your orders, Supervisor. We are all in your hands.”
“No, we’re in theirs now.”

Ember woke up to an insistent beeping noise close to her left ear. Her eyes opened and she stared ahead at a blank grey concrete wall. Where was she now? Her throat was dry and she felt sore all over. Her head ached and those infernal beeps weren’t helping at all. Ember took a step forward and stumbled, wincing as pain flared in her back all along her spine and in her arms, legs, and neck. Raising an arm, Ember stared in horrified fascination at the needles that were stuck into the veins in the crook of her arm, at the wrist, and in the back of her hand. She could only assume that similar needles had been inserted along the length of her spine as well as her legs.
“What…?”
Her voice sounded strange, as if she hadn’t used it for a long time. She coughed and attempted to wet her lips with little success. Steeling herself, Ember jerked her right arm free of the wires and needles. She winced as dots of blood appeared along her arm and slowly trickled down towards her hand, then repeated the action with her other arm and her legs. She stumbled forward and fell to her knees, the remaining needles tore free from her spine with the sickening noise of tearing skin.
“Owwww…” moaned Ember. The steady beeping now came from behind her and she turned to look for the source. Her green eyes widened.
Roughly six feet in height and four in width, the object resembled a glass pill capsule turned on end. It was held upright by thick bands of steel around the top and bottom, which in turn were bolted to the wall. Wires hung uselessly all around the interior, leading into a large metal box covered in buttons and dials. A black screen showed a blue-green line progressing in a series of steady peaks. Below the transparent pod was a small drain surrounded by a silvery liquid. It was then that Ember realized that her entire body was soaking wet, drenched in whatever substance had clearly drained from the capsule she had been in. It plastered her hair against her head and back and looking down, Ember found that the clothes she had been wearing during the Celebration of the Medic were gone and replaced with a flimsy grey hospital gown. She frowned, not liking the idea that anyone had been in possession of her body while unconscious.

Reaching up, she felt out another wire attached to the side of her neck and irritably pulled it off. The blue line on the monitor went flat and the obnoxious beeping became a continual, high-pitched whine. Grimacing, Ember massaged her temples, mentally cursing the noise.
She tensed as the sound of stone grating against stone sounded to her right and she whirled around to see the apparently solid wall sliding open. From the shadows beyond stepped a slender woman with black hair streaked with grey and pulled into a tight bun. She wore a pair of loose black pants tucked into tall boots and a stained white coat over a beige shirt. Standing tall, the woman immediately gave the impression of authority and her brown eyes were intelligent, looking at Ember with such intensity that it almost seemed that she was looking at the girl’s soul. Ember could not suppress a shudder and forced herself to her feet so she could be closer to standing on a level with the woman.
The two stood watching each other for a long moment before the tall woman broke into a warm smile.
“Well I’m glad to see that the heart monitor flat lined because you removed the wire and not because you had died! It would have been a pity after you seemed to make such a complete recovery.”
Ember blinked in surprise. The woman’s friendly tone was a total odds with her tough appearance and it only served to put Ember even more on her guard than she already was.
“Who are you?”
“Ah my apologies!” The woman bowed ever so slightly at the waist. “I am the Professor, and it has been my job to patch you and the others up after the tragedy in Khinas.”
Ember’s lips pressed together into a grim line, then said,
“Where am I? I take it that this isn’t Khinas since even the sewers don’t smell as bad as it does down here. Trust me, I know; I’ve been down in the sewers for a lot of jobs.”
The Professor chuckled, “A Noxx with a job? I have trouble believing that. I assume your “jobs” involved gang banging and general mayhem? Well that isn’t my concern I suppose...I’m sorry about the smell though, the solution you were healing in has a rather unpleasant scent. It should wash out after a few showers.”
Something moved in the shadows beyond the doorway and Ember’s hand flew to her waist where she usually kept a dagger. Her fingers only grasped empty air and she swallowed hard. She could make out the dull gleam of light reflected on the barrel of a rifle and a soft laugh escaped her.
“I’m disarmed and barely able to stand. How much damage to you honestly think I can do?”
She expected the Professor to laugh a little or smile that tight smile that seemed frozen on her face, but the woman’s face went suddenly grim, nervous even.
“That’s what I intend to find out. Come with me, I’ll get you some clothes to change into and take you to several other refugees from Khinas.”

The Professor turned on her heel and walked out of the room leaving Ember with no other choice than to follow. She did so reluctantly, stepping into the shadows and sensed rather than saw the man holding the gun fall into step behind her. The solution in her hair was rapidly drying, plastered against her neck and itching the bare skin. The only noise was the muffled echoes of their footsteps in the dark hallway. The lighting was bad and greenish, but it was enough to illuminate the heavy steel door at the end of the hall. The screech of metal against metal sounded as the Professor turned a wheel-like handle and then shoved the hatch open. The light on the other side was almost blinding compared to the near darkness Ember had been in since awaking and she winced, hanging back and squinting to let her eyes adjust. A sharp jab from the gun into the small of her back sent the girl stumbling forward and she barely managed to right herself, turning to glare at the man behind her, his face still cast in shadow.
“Point that somewhere else you-”
“Careful girl.”
The deep growl sent a shudder down Ember’s spine and she averted her gaze to the rest of the room. The room resembled the school locker rooms that Ember had seen in shows from before the Fall. Khinas had nothing like this as far as she knew. The lockers were dented and rusted, but clearly still in use. This place was old, older than anywhere she had been before.
“Here, I believe that these will fit well enough for now.”
The Professor handed Ember a pile of folded clothes and some well worn boots. Ember accepted them and then glanced over her shoulder in irritation.
“Do I have permission to change in private or will your friend continue to grace us with his presence?”
With a slight nod, the Professor indicated that the man should stand on the other side of the door they had just entered through. Wasting no time, Ember donned an oversized black shirt and tied it in a knot to keep it from falling to the middle of her thighs. She tucked the too-long brown pants into a pair of tight boots. Straightening, she turned to look at the vague reflection in the locker and frowned at the distorted image of herself. Was that just the rust on the ancient metal or was it really her reflection? Ember grabbed a strand of hair, grimacing at it’s stiffness and held it in front of her eyes. So it was not her imagination, each strand of hair appeared stained with drying blood and it took everything in Ember to keep from screaming as she remembered the nightmare she had lived through. Her voice soft and deadly, Ember said:
“Professor. What the heck did you do to me?”
The tall woman looked uncomfortable, swallowing hard and saying quietly: “You’ll understand in due time. I think it would be best if I introduced you to the others we rescued and then the Supervisor can explain it to all of you at once. It will save us all time. And right now time is of the utmost importance."

Moving faster than she had before, the Professor called the guard back in and led the way out a door on the right, through a maze of underground hallways lined with what appeared to be unused offices, and finally stopped at a plain, windowless door. Leaning up to a panel at eye level, the Professor allowed it to scan her eye and Ember heard the click of the door unlatching. The tall woman pushed it open part way then pause.
“Don’t do anything foolish. The last thing I want to do is play doctor again like I’ve had to do with the others I let in here. You Noxx are far too quarrelsome,” She flashed Ember a strange smile. “Good luck.”
The butt of the gun slammed into Ember’s back between her shoulder blades and at the same moment the Professor opened the door enough to let the girl stumble through. Off balance, Ember tripped and fell, hitting her chin on the floor hard enough to make lights dance before her eyes. A heavy foot pressed firmly onto her back as she tried to rise and forced her back down.
“So where’d they find you, ginger?”

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Immortals Chapter 3


Dedicating this update to Jordan and Sydney. You both motivated me to post two chapters this month. Thanks to both of you!

Chapter 3

It was like a nightmare. Screams of terror mixed with wails of grief and agony. Dyads fell by the dozens, their bodies twisted at odd angles. Many made mad dashes for the streets leading out of the square, hoping to get to safety in one of the other meeting places, not realizing that the same hell was happening all across the city.
Ember ran as fast as she could, her heart pounding, adrenaline pulsing through her veins. A bullet struck a Luca and he fell in front of her, tripping her. She scrambled up, pausing to stare at the young man. Scarlet blood streamed from his head, soaking his formerly immaculate suit, but even as she watch it began to slow. He had died before hitting the ground. Forcing herself to look away, she continued on. Navan had paused and was trying to help up a Noxx who had fallen, only to bow his head briefly and let the woman fall back, her eyes dulled in death.
“So many are dying,” he clenched his fists in rage as he moved on. “What the heck is happening?”
Ember could only shake her head and pick her way around the bodies. Another round of bullets ripped through the crowd and the two friends flung themselves to the ground. The projectiles whizzed over their heads and struck the huge flag that had been hanging behind the speaker, tearing it to shreds and severing the ties supporting it. Slowly, it fell to the platform in a crumpled heap.
Navan and Ember remained on the ground, the bullets ceased. Silence hung over the city, broken only by the moans of the injured and dying. No one moved, and those who could, barely breathed. No one could be seen on the rooftops or anywhere else. A few people rose tentatively and began to move around searching for their friends and counterparts among the fallen. Turning her head slowly, Ember saw Navan looking at her, attempting his reassuring smile without the usual success.
“Awake now, Ember?” Then, seeing her disgusted look, he looked away. “Sorry...that was tasteless...I wasn’t thinking.”
Navan grimaced and leaped to a standing position, offering Ember his hand, “Let’s find our dyads…”
A single shot sounded in the stillness then several more. Those standing cried out and fell to the pavement yet again, some to remain alive, others dead. Navan stumbled slightly and raised a hand to his shoulder. Blood seeped from the circular wound and soaked his dark jacket.
“Don’t stand up...” he said slowly, “they have more snipers.”
Ember’s eyes widened, “No kidding, moron! Get down, you have to stop the bleeding. Does it hurt? Did it hit anything important?”
“Aside from me?” Navan snorted and pulled off his jacket and shirt and tore the jacket into strips. “Here give me a hand with this so we can move on. Let’s go underneath the stage for a while, we can move around behind it and be shielded from more gunfire. I’ll be fine.”
His white face and shaking hands told otherwise, but all Ember could do was help bandage her friend’s shoulder and hope he knew what he was doing. Navan would never admit that he was in pain and it would be up to Ember to make sure he didn’t exert himself too much. The two crawled below the stage through the cobwebs, dirt, and debris. Peering through the slats, Ember saw the dark shapes of trucks pulling into the square and several figures got out of them, cradling guns in the crooks of their arms. They stepped over the bodies, occasionally nudging one with the end of a gun or with a foot. Suddenly, one of them bent and felt one body’s wrist.
“Breather. Get ‘im into the truck and tag ‘im.”
Two men picked up the Noxx and dumped him unceremoniously in the van. Another man waved over his companions to several more dark forms. As one picked up a slender young man, a broad-shouldered Luca shakily pushed himself to his feet and staggered towards the gunmen.
“Put him down! What do you expect to gain from taking dyads?”
The men just laughed and one shoved the Luca back. Before he realized what was happening, the young man had swung a fist at his face. The older man moved out of the way and brought the butt of his rifle down on the back of the Luca’s head, knocking him out.
“Should I take this one? He might prove useful.”
“Go ahead.”
Ember nudged Navan gently, “Let’s go, I don’t think I see Dawn on this side. Do you see Max?”
“No,” Navan said shortly, his mouth pressed into a tight line of worry. “Let’s go around back.”
There were no trucks behind the stage and Ember slowly stepped out of cover. There were less bodies back here, most of them Luca who had tried to take cover while their Noxx counterparts tried to put up a fight. Navan dropped to his knees suddenly, moving several bodies carefully to the side. Then he froze and his hands gently dropped to his side and his head bowed. Ember didn’t need to ask. Max lay partly concealed by his fellow Luca, glasses askew and cracked, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. Ember rested a hand on her friend’s shoulder but Navan jerked away.
“Just...go find Dawn. Give me a minute.”
Biting her lip hard, Ember slowly started zig zagging across the plaza, looking carefully at every female Luca she passed. After reaching the edge by the buildings, she dared to hope that her dyad had escaped, but then she turned to glance down an alleyway and couldn’t contain a cry of fright. It was a slaughter house. Bodies piled up on each other, twisted in the final spasms of death, their eyes staring blankly. Trembling, Ember slowly walked into the shadows. It was clear that those who had fallen first had been trampled by those behind them to the extent that their bodies had been mutilated, crushed, and torn, many beyond recognition. White clothes had turned crimson, detached limbs lay stiff, hands reached up toward the sky as if pleading for rescue. Ember continued on as if in a daze, slipping on the blood-slick pavement. A low moaning came from several prone forms, but she couldn’t stop. Not until she found Dawn. Dust hung heavy in the air, choking her lungs.
A dark form rose up in front of her and a shell-shocked Noxx staggered out of the haze, clutching his side. He stared at Ember blankly as he muttered to himself,
“Gotta turn around...the wall fell...it just fell…”
He stumbled past Ember who started forward again, numb. A mass of rubble rose before her, the concrete stained with blood. More bodies could be seen pinned down, crushed. But one in particular held the Noxx’s gaze, blue eyes dulled in death, blonde hair matted with dust and gore.
“No…” Ember dropped to her knees and cradled Dawn’s head in her lap. “Dawn, come on! We should go, you need medical attention...Dawn! Here, I’ll get you out of there.”
Slipping her arms under the Luca’s armpits, Ember pulled hard, then harder. Something gave, and she slipped, falling hard, and felt fresh blood seep into her clothes and coat her hands and forearms. Dawn’s already crushed body had been disturbed by her dyad’s tugging and her corpse had released a fresh stream of blood as it came free from the rubble. Ember stared at her crimson hands and arms.
“D-Dawn…”
Something broke in Ember and a strangled noise, neither a scream nor a sob, tore from her as she scrambled to her feet and ran, ran from the stench of death and the horrible, staring eyes of the dead.
“Navan! NAVAN!”
Bursting out into the square, Ember was half blinded by the brilliant sunlight. The pure beams illuminated the massacre, the clear sky and light seeming to mock the hideous scene of death that had unfolded in less than twenty minutes. As Ember shielded her eyes, she saw Navan stand up and look towards her, opening his mouth as if he were about to speak. Two sharp reports rang out and blood spurted from the young man’s neck. At the same moment, a sharp object pierced the side of Ember’s neck. A wave of dazed weariness washed over her and she staggered forward. As the world went out of focus, Ember saw Navan fall to the ground. Then her own legs gave out and everything vanished into darkness.

“Subject tagged and collected, Supervisor. They should be here on schedule.”
“Excellent.”
The voice was gentle; the hand on the shoulder of the technician seemed to communicate a sense of warmth and affection. A sharper voice sounded behind the young man.
“I hope you know what you are doing, Supervisor. I don’t want to have to play doctor to these subjects when I’m supposed to be furthering our operation. Many subjects have been shot and the things that...ah…” There was a rustle of pages being turned, “Subject 1X went through just now. I’ll have to wait at least three days for the drug to be naturally removed from the bloodstream!”
“Patience Professor,” Soothed the first voice. “This was a necessary event. It’s only through the fires of the furnace that gold can be properly purified...And the flames have yet to reach their maximum heat.”
“But the mental damage! I’m not certain how many will withstand my tests and I won’t become their psychiatrist! I might just remove those damaged areas-”
“That is not your call, Professor. Those memories will become the fuel to this fire. I guarantee you that Subject 1X will pass all your examinations and exceed all your expectations. I am sorry about her friend though. He would have been an interesting catch.”
“I’ll see what I can do. He may yet prove useful.”
The hand tightened on the technician’s shoulder, nails digging painfully into the man’s skin before releasing abruptly.
“Keep us informed on their progress. Professor, this is not the place to discuss such matters.”
A pair of cold grey eyes narrowed as they cast a final glance at the screens before the technician. The image depicted Khinas, the tower at the center rising like a sword. Smoke rose from various buildings around the city.
“Let’s see how you heal this wound, Medic.”

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